Sunday, January 9, 2011

Franklin: Dishevelment

Dishevel: to cause untidiness and disarray. Example: “The wind disheveled the papers on the desk.”

My brother and I are proud of our highly refined skills in the Art and Science of Catly Dishevelment. In assessing the above definition, it’s important to note that the wind, the sea, nay in fact all the forces of nature combined have nothing on us!

Have you recently remodeled? Be sure to see Special Consultant Winston at Interior Designs by Franklin for a feng shui review.

Visiting the nursery? We’ll be happy to “quality test” your plants.

Positioning a throw rug? Count on our teamwork to hook claws into corners, roll over a time or two, pounce thrice and then toss it into the air. It is a throw rug, after all.

Those who collect plushies—and let me tell you this home seems full of them—should know that either of us will be happy to pull down a selected beast, wrestle it into submission, and personalize it with random kitty spit and mangled body parts.

 If you're decorating your indoor tree, do remember that no matter how cunningly you place those fragile ornaments on the topmost branches, we can reposition them at will. Some ornaments have been discovered lying on the floor, occasionally even unbroken, after an “unexplained fall” of more than 10 feet. As a special gift, we'll happily inspect your packages and randomly ingest yarn and ribbon in an effort to add a hint of seasonal colour to the litter box.

Your paltry “Keep things away from the kitties” measures are doomed if you think placement on the eight-foot curio is the way to go. We’ll simply sally to the edge of a chair, judge the trajectory, align our sensors, use the hanging plate on the wall as a way-point, and land soundlessly on top of the cabinet, after which we can enjoy a leisurely afternoon of tossing the Christmas tree, angel, plush bear, and wreath over the edge. Come on, you didn’t really think that angel committed suicide by hanging herself off the side of the cabinet, did you?

Oh, and if you believe your paper products are safe, think again.

Tonight Mom learned that her $200 stereo cables were broken. We have no idea how that happened, but we were relieved to hear Mom say “It wasn’t the cats – the connectors broke off, and they couldn’t have done something like that!” Paw on heart, it’s true: we’re innocent of breaking the connectors. 

The happy news is that Mom learned the cables have a lifetime warranty. The not-so-happy news is that she’s now faced with a challenge of explaining the hundreds of tiny chew marks that surround said connectors…

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