Winston: Invasion of the EMT
Beware when humans start speaking to themselves for it usually signals upcoming drama. Mom was muttering over her papers the other day. I don’t know exactly what papers they are, something about “bills” or whatever. But she was grousing about “rising costs” and “ridiculous rip-offs” and “why am I paying for that’s?” for quite some time, after which she utilized the talking device to arrange some sort of change to this mighty triumvirate called “Telephone, Internet service, and Television.”
Now, I don’t care a whit about Telephone. I’ve tried that talking device, but my paw pads proved too large for the keys and I kept ringing through to Namibia, which makes Mom a bit cranky. Television is only good for Bert & Ernie in their featured performances on Sesame Street, and those come far too infrequently. However, we kitties are wise to the ways of the Internetz, and we appreciate that Mom has been considering an upgrade. (After all, faster connectivity aids our ability to more quickly order our 40 pounds of turkey breast through Albertsons.com. Using her plastic money, of course.)
This afternoon, a human showed up to make the installation of these technological improvements, and I knew right away we were not going to hit it off. When I sauntered up to him and tried to make nice, he ignored me. When I politely offered the Kitty Sniffing Human Pants Cuff™ greeting, I was rebuffed. So when he went outside, I hoped to have seen the last of him.
Alas, such was not the case. Within a few minutes, this person was back inside the house, complaining about a wasp string, breathing heavily, and carrying on as only humans can do. Several verbal interchanges ensued, with an eventual call to an entity called Nine One One as the gasping human stretched out on the floor of my domicile!
The house was soon filled with a hubbub of arriving humans toting large carriers, talking boxes, and a plethora of other items. These folks checked out the CableModemTelevisionTelephone Human and pronounced him to not be in a life threatening state. After that, even more humans arrived to transport the sick human to the veterinarian. Or the medical center. I didn’t catch which.
I was so distressed by all the commotion (and so caught up in the drama) I slammed myself against the door of the room in which my brother and I had been imprisoned, then, as the door was opened, sprang to the top of the door and landed on the head of the human who was offering my release. Ooopsie!
In the end, Mom learned that CableModemTelevisionTelephone Human ended up being just fine. Life around the homestead has returned to normal. I must say, though,l that I couldn't help but notice those folks in the official suits arrived in a positively splendid vehicle: shiny, with flashing lights and an impressive yowl that surely can be heard for miles around!
Be still my pounding heart! I have found my new calling: EMT Winston!