Franklin: Canines of Mass Destruction

My brother and I were taking our usual early evening nap on the kitty tree today when we heard Mom say, “That’s odd, I hear voices just outside, like on the other side of the wall of the house.” She rose to head upstairs to see who might be lurking near our fence when she – and we – glanced out the big door to see a large, four-legged animal of considerable size in our backyard.

Win and I were immediately on Stage Three Alert. We leapt from the Kitty Tree of Repose ™ and beat paws to the door. Win was on top of it, I must say, puffing his fur to easily twice its normal proportions, whipping the tail back and forth, baring a fang or two – the very model of exceptional domestic protection! I hung back a few feet, the better to admire Big Brother’s performance… or to see if the large, four-legged beast should breach our defenses. I mean, someone has to be ready to call for reinforcements, yes?

Mom said the beast was a “dawg.” And she firmly stated that said “dawg” had no business in our yard. Just then, the human from a nearby domicile – with nary a by-your-leave! – opened the gate, walked into the backyard, and started making lunges in the direction of said dawg. Mom, at the same time, cracked the door open to ask if he needed assistance, while simultaneously, Win and I were approaching the door, bandy-legged and buffed of fur.

All in a split second, Dawg leapt towards the open door, cats adopted pounce position, Mom prepared her Mighty Kick of Protection (that’s a Monk Elite, of course) , and the human from the nearby domicile grabbed for the hardware around the dawg’s neck. And in that split second, a Fracas for the Ages was averted.

For…

• Dawg was subdued and dragged off in humiliation.
• Dawg owner called a pledge over his shoulder to install something called “chicken wire” to contain said beast.
• Mom made courteous noises about how she hoped the problem would sort itself out, and how there was (this time!) no harm done.
• And Win and I settled back onto the kitty tree to ponder whether said “chicken wire” was some sort of snarky statement about the intruding creature's Inner Dawg.

Because frankly, compared to two sets of pointy teeth, 36 carefully sharpened claws, and Mom’s Kick of Doom, that beast didn’t stand a bloomin' chance.